At this time of year it is all about the holidays. We decorate our Christmas tree, home, front yard, car (?), and as I noticed this morning, Lady Gaga has decorated her head. Yes, she appears to have sprouted half of an evergreen atop her pate. (See link below.)
Not everyone can wear an evergreen on his or her head. The closest I have come to that is wearing a wreath of blown-out eggshells in my 8th grade Easter play. I was Mother Nature.
But, back to decorating for the holidays. Magazines and websites are full of ideas to decorate. Everyone in the photos has Giada smiles on their faces. They are dressed in clean clothes and no one is sweating. The trees appear magically in their stands. Many of the photos have a crackling fire, plates full of perfectly decorated sugar cookies set aside a House Beautiful magazine on an unscratched, unmarred coffee table.
These are photos I call Hallmark and Folger coffee moments.
But, if we look behind the scenes at many homes, I think we might see a different picture. In fact, I am positive we would.
There are no photos of dads and moms crawling out of crawl spaces and attics or wrestling with trees that didn’t seem THAT big at the tree lot. There also aren’t photos of wives giving their spouses the “stink-eye,” because the spouse can’t get the tree to stand straight. I would also bet a biscuit that there have been quite a few husbands who have been permanently maimed because they couldn’t find the top part of the fake Christmas tree from years past.
One friend of mine invited (bribed) her grandchildren to come and help put up the Christmas tree and decorate her house. The cost of the bribe? Drive them to the mall so they could shop, not for others, but themselves. Upon arrival to her house, the sullen faces plopped down and sat there. Directions had to be so basic it was like teaching children how to read. “What is that?” one said, of the Christmas song that had been turned on to get everyone in the mood.
“I can’t work and listen to that,” another said.
Before a twitch of Santa’s nose, iPhones were brought out.
It was only with threats of the bribe being rescinded that anyone helped. And, a merry hook, ho to you.
Three friends have talked have said, “forget it,” about putting up a tree. Bring on January.
Two women friends reported they had a delightful time putting up their tree. They are both divorced and decorated the tree while under the influence of wine and Garth Brooks. One confessed she had a picture in her mind of she and Patrick Swayze dirty dancing around the tree.
Most mothers say they want help decorating the tree, but they really don’t. It just sounds good to let all of the kids think their efforts are appreciated. Truth is, kids just aren’t capable of getting that Martha Stewart look right. Same thing goes for husbands. They are supposed to be there to do stuff but whatever they do is not going to be right and they will get “The Look” repeatedly.
At my house, my husband carried the 3 ft. tree up from the basement and plopped it down, and I took over. Within 15 minutes, Christmas decorating was finished. No Santa pillow out, no nutcracker and no wise men. Nada.
Am I anti-Christmas?
Not at all.
I simply am focused on cutting 25 pine boughs to put on my head with a big red bow sot that I can decorate myself like Lady Gaga.